Kinfolks
by Evelyn Flood

From the book "Buffalo Boogers" by Bud Phillips comes this
story called "Why The Lawsons Quit Voting."

"Ise borned a democrat, I'm livin' a democrat, and I'm a dyin' a
democrat,"the angry wife screeched back at her husband, who was a few
feet down the tomato row behind her.

Ted Lawson straightened up, dropped a tomato suddenly and heavily into
the pail on his arm, then retorted back:
"You fool worman I want you to know once and fer all that I'm a
republican from the top uv my head to the soles of my feet,
jist dyed in the wool, and they ain't 'nuff horses on Big Creek
to change me.

Another Lawson voting battle was on!
You see, Ted and Myrtle Lawson always voted, but they always crossed
each other out. And though voting day was months off, they were
already engaging in light skirmishes, leading up to the big battle
on election day.
But there, under a hot August sun, and tired from hours of toil in
the garden and tomato patch, a light skirmish was fast becoming a
major battle.

"Taint no use railly, uv goin' up to Judy (Mt.Judea) to vote,
"Myrtle Lawson grumbled loudly at her sweating husband, "cause you
allus votes directly 'ginst me, and we jist cross each other plum
out."

"Yes,"Ted Lawson roared back, but I aims to go do my republican duty
and nothin' ain't a stoppin' me even iffen Big Creeks a floodin' plum
to the top uv Charlie Bolen Mountain."

"Reckin, you're that big a fool,"Myrtle Lawson shot back as she stooped
down for another big ripe tomatoe.

Ted Lawson just blew his breath like a mad bull as he jerked up a green
cornstalk at the side of the tomato patch, "I'll jist whup you lack a
youngin," he coarsely muttered as he lunged forward and hit her a lick
or two across the back.

But that ripe tomato which Myrtle Lawson held in her hand
was extra ripe, indeed all but rotten.
Whirling around she splattered it right in Ted Lawson's face.
He staggered backward,reaching down for a clod of
dirt as Myrtle jerked up a large and heavily loaded tomatoe vine.
"I'll splatter your rotten republican body all over with this,"she
screamed out.

"And I'll turn a yaller democrat brown with this,"Ted Lawson threatened
as he drew back the clod of dirt.

"You're a low down skunk,"the enraged wife shrilly called out.
"You're worse'en that,"the angry husband charged back.
"Jist wait "til I get this infernal 'mater juice outa my eyes and
I'll lay ye out with this dirt clod."

From that the air turned blue with pure old mountain "cussin"
mixed well together between the two.

But they were suddenly stopped by the sound of approaching hoof beats.
Ted Lawson dropped his dirt clod sly and Myrtle slowly laid down
her tomato vine, as they both saw their preacher stopping at the
garden gate.

"Lawsey," Myrtle said in a low voice,
"Here our preacher done caught us a workin' and a cussin too
and hit's Sunday.
I told ye we ort to uv gone to preachin' instead uv workin today."

(This writer has long noted that being caught is the greatest and
quickest route to repentance.)

Then knowing that she had her husband where he couldn't talk back,
lowly muttered:
"Iffen you's as set on goin' to meetin' as ye air to votin' ye'd be
a sight better jiner (church member)."

The preacher sat for long moments looking intently toward them.
His face appeared deathly pale as it bridged the distance between a
jet black suit and enormous black hat. Then slowly he spoke.

"When you two quit voting, peace will be in your home."

With that he rode slowly on, looking straight ahead, leaving the
guilt-ridden couple standing silently on their strangely still
battleground.

They were still standing there when minutes later, the silence was
again broken by more approaching hoofbeats.
That time it was a neighbor from down near Vendor.

"Been to Judy (Mt.Judea) to church,"
the neighbor called as he reigned up at the gate.
"But they wuzn't no preachin' today.
Theyse awful sad news.
Our preacher died yestidy and they 'er buryin' him tomorrow over on
Cave Creek."
"But he jist passed here," Ted Lawson stammered back.
"Coulden' uv," the puzzled neighbor called back.
"They've got him laid out up there at his home, and
Uncle Pace Greenhaws a makin' his coffin, and I reckon sum uv'em is a diggin' on the grave over on Cave Creek."

Years later Ted Lawson declared that from that day on, the advice of
the dead preacher was heeded.
The couple never voted again.
And as he put it, they never "fit again" either.
Copyrighted story by Bud Phillips

V.N. "Bud" Phillips has written several books:
"Ozark Cousins" in 1974
"New Ozark Cousins", 1984
"Buffalo Boogers
"Buffalo Tales"

The "New Ozark Cousins" can be purchased from Newton County Historical Society.
The Surname Index to this book is on-line.
Newton County Historical Society

Bud Phillips has also written books on Tennessee.
Write him
His address is:
V.N.(Bud) Phillips
214 Johnson Street
Bristol, Virginia 24201-4132
or go to "Google" Search Engine and type in his name.
His recent books are listed on that website.

Evelyn Flood
Rkinfolks@yahoo.com
Write me:
Rkinfolks@yahoo.com