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I got to Kelso City on a Friday,
By Saturday I'd learned a thing or two,
For up 'till then I didn't have an idea,
Of what this modern world was comin' to.
I counted 20 gas buggies goin' by themselves,
Almost every time I took a walk,
And then I put my ear to a Bell Telephone,
And a strange woman started in to talk....
Hold on... What next...
Everything's up to date in Kelso City,
They've gone about as far as they can go,
They went and built a wool store - seven stories high,
About as high as a Wool Store oughta go.
Everything's like a dream in Kelso City,
It's better than an A & P Show...
They paid 3000 pounds or more, just for one old sheep,
Then it took three years or more just to earn its board and keep,
They put it in a packing crate and sent it way up North,
They sent it about as far as it could go,
They sent it about as far as it could go!
Everything's up to date in Kelso City,
They've gone about as far as they can go,
They've got a huge big building there - they call it a Wool Shed,
For a couple of quid you can see a dandy show...
One of the rams was fat and white and woolly...
As round above as he was round below,
You could swear that it was padded from the forequarter to the hind
But late during shearing when he began to peel,
He proved that everything he had was absolutely real,
He went about as far as he could go,
He went about as far as he could go!
Everything's up to date in Kelso City,
They've gone about as far as they can go,
They've got a private racecourse there,
They call it 'Dave's Delight'. (Robertson)
Each time Vamoose raced there,
He got a bloody fright,
He took the horse to Riccarton
And though it was a 'cart'
It never went as far as it should go.
J.C.M.
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