Genealogy Quips, Poems, Jokes



These are just some miscellaneous items I've collected off of the internet, found in local newspapers,  and received through e-mail..   I claim no copyright privileges to any of them.

"Little feet at rest with God"

So many little graves they lie
Heaped far and near and by;
Foot of hill and mountain crest
The tiny feet rest,
Within the city's dusty mart
And the forests deep, cool heart,
Wher'er the foot of man has tread
And woman's tender heart has bled
O'er some little sacred mound
Lie these tufted heaps of ground.

(Author unknown)


I'd like ter be a boy agin
Fer then the joys are real,
I'd like ter be a boy agin
To see jest how I'd feel.

I'd like ter be a boy agin,
Have lots 'o nuts to crack,
An' ho-made 'lasses candy,
An' a supple jumpin' jack.

I'd like ter be a boy agin,
A coastin' down the hill.
Or skatin' on the big ole pond
Clost by me daddy's mill.

I'd like ter romp in the kitchen,
When the things wuz put away,
An' git up in the mornin'
Jest at the peep o' day.

I'd like to look into me stockin',
A-hangin' by the door,
I'd like ter see it brimmin' full,
As in the days of yore.

I'd like ter go ter ther candy pull,
Yee gods! Oh! What a treat!
An' agin be with Melissa Jane,
Who's sweet ernuff to eat.

I'd like ter see her kinder stray
Right under the mistletoe,
An' then what bliss! I'd take a kiss!
An' set her cheeks aglow.

Yes, I'd like ter be a boy agin,
I'm shore I'd have no fear,
For I'd kinder relish it
For near a hundred years.

[The above poem was published in the Bonne Terre Star Newspaper of Bonne Terre, St. Francois County, Missouri, on Friday, December 24, 1897.  Author unknown.]

hd008.gif (12299 bytes)

hd009.gif (10463 bytes)

hd007.gif (17001 bytes)

tag4.gif (7932 bytes)

tag6.gif (9012 bytes)tag7.gif (3451 bytes)tag10.gif (7072 bytes)

tag16.gif (3509 bytes)tag26.gif (6525 bytes)

tag35.gif (3000 bytes)tag37.gif (2844 bytes)

geneline.gif (2133 bytes)

se10.jpg (17527 bytes)

"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children.
  One of those is roots and the other, wings." 
Author unknown

ozark_wedding.jpg (73750 bytes)

grenrib.gif (2337 bytes)grnrib1.gif (2908 bytes)

toon01.gif (8523 bytes)


Doctors have discovered a new disease that is very contagious to adults.
They have named it Genealogy Pox.

Patient continually complains of a need for names, dates, and places.
Patient has a blank expression on his face, and often seems deaf to mate and children.
Has no taste for work of any kind, except for feverishly looking through
records, libraries, and courthouse.
Has compulsion to write letters and spends hours sitting at a computer.
Swears at mailman when he doesn't leave mail or threatens
to kick computer if there is no email.
Frequents strange places such as cemeteries, ruins and remote
desolate country areas.
Makes secret night calls and hides the phone bills from mate.
Patient mumbles to self and has a strange faraway look in his eyes.
Has a strange compulsion to gather and scatter old papers all over the house,
leaving piles of paper everywhere with strange numbers and
names all over them.

No known cure. Medication is useless. Disease is not fatal,
but gets progressively worse.
Disease is spreading throughout the country very fast,
quickly becoming an epidemic.
Patient should attend genealogy meetings, workshops, subscribe
to genealogical magazines, and be given lots more forms and a computer
situated in a quiet corner of the house where he or she can be alone.
If family supports patient through this, patient will occasionally come
out of strange trance and will act normal again unless you
drive by a cemetery or courthouse.

The unusual nature of this disease is such that the  more sick the patient becomes,
the more he or she seems to enjoy it,
sometimes dancing with glee and yelling, "I found it!"

(Author Unknown/Contributed by B. Winter)


Lord, help me dig into the past

And shift the sands of time

That I might find the roots that made

This family tree of mine;

Lord, help me trace the ancient roads

On which my fathers trod

And led them through so many lands

To find our present sod.

Lord, help me find an ancient book

Or dusty manuscript

That's safely hidden now away

In some forgotten crypt;

Lord, let it bridge the gap that haunts

My soul when I can't find

The missing link between some name

That ends the same as mine.

Curtis Woods, Tennessee Author




The public ceremony in which your distinguished ancestor participated and at which the platform collapsed under him turned out to be a hanging.

When at last after much hard work you have evolved the mystery that you have been working on for two years, your aunt says, "I could have told you that."

You never asked your father about his family when he was alive because you were not interested in genealogy then.

The will you need is in the safe on board the Titanic.

Copies of old newspapers have holes occurring only on the surnames.

John, son of Thomas the immigrant whom your relatives claim as the family progenitor, died on board ship at the age of 10.

Your great grandfather's newspaper obituary states that he died leaving no issue of record.

Another genealogist has just insulted the keeper of the vital records you need.

The relative who had all the family photographs gave them all to her daughter who has no interest in genealogy and no inclination to share.

The only record you find for your great grandfather is that his property was sold at a sheriff's sale of insolvency.

The one document that would supply the missing link in your dead end has been lost due to fire, flood or war.

The town clerk to whom you wrote for the information sends you a long handwritten letter which is totally illegible.

The spelling of your European ancestor's name bears no relationship to its current spelling or pronunciation.

None of the pictures in your recently deceased grandmother's photo album have names written on them.

No one in your family tree ever did anything noteworthy, owned property, was sued or was named in a will.

You learn that your great aunt's executor just sold her life's collection of family genealogical materials to a flea market dealer 'somewhere in New York City."

Ink fades and paper deteriorates at a rate inversely proportional to the value of the data recorded.

The 37 volume, 16,000 page history of your country of origin isn't indexed.

You finally find your great grandparents's wedding record and discover that the bride's father was named John Smith.

The family you are looking for will be on the last page of the unindexed (of course) census film that you check. However, if you begin at the end of the roll, they will be on page 1.

The microfilm that you have diligently searched page-by-page will have an index at the end.

All of your spouse's ancestors will be mentioned in county histories. None of yours will be.

If you need just one record, the microfilm will have page numbers. If you need 3 or more records, there won't be any page numbers and the records will not be in the proper order.

The book you need most will be out being rebound.

You will need item 23 on a microfilm roll that has 22 items. The rest of the film is continued on another roll that will not be in the drawer, and the librarian will tell you that it is "missing, and presumed lost."

Just before the entry you need, the records will end. They will begin again two years after the date you need.

If one brother is left out of the genealogy of a family, guess whose ancestor he will be?

If there is a family history on one branch of the family -- it won't be yours.

When you finally find the microfilmed probate records of your missing link to a rich and/or famous line, the book will be so tightly bound that you can only make out the first two letters of the name of the one who MAY be your ancestor.

The researcher you hired to read the original records at the courthouse will inform you that only the particular probate packet you need is missing.

After spending a week at Family History Library in Salt Lake City, you finally find the book that will tell you about your ancestors ten minutes before closing time. Needless to say you have to return home and will probably never make it back to Salt Lake City again! Nor, will you remember the name of the book!

50 Miscellaneous Quips We Can All Relate To!!!

1. My family coat of arms ties at the that normal?

2. My family tree is a few branches short! All help appreciated.

3. My ancestors must be in a witness protection program!

4. Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!

5. My hobby is genealogy, I raise dust bunnies as pets.

6. How can one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE??

7. I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap.

8. I'm not stuck, I'm ancestrally challenged.

9. I'm searching for myself; Have you seen me?

10. If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help...

11. Isn't genealogy fun? The answer to one problem leads to two more!

12. It's 2000... Do you know where your-Gr-Gr-Grandparents are?

13. A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.

14. A family tree can wither if nobody tends it's roots.

15. A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away.

16. After 30 days, unclaimed ancestors will be adopted.

17. Am I the only person up my tree... sure seems like it.

18. Any family tree produces some lemons, some nuts and a few bad apples.

19. Ever find an ancestor HANGING from the family tree?

20. FLOOR: The place for storing your priceless genealogy records.

21. Gene-Allergy: It's a contagious disease, but I love it.

22. Genealogists are time unravelers.

23. Genealogy is like playing hide and seek: They hide... I seek!

24. Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.

25. "Crazy" is a relative term in my family.

26. A pack rat is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.

27. I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand.

28. I Should have asked them BEFORE they died!

29. I think my ancestors had several "Bad heir" days.

30. I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the JUNEflower.

31. Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards as progress.

32. Share your knowledge; it is a way to achieve immortality.

33. Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!

34. It's an unusual family that hath neither a lady of the evening or a thief.

35. Many a family tree needs pruning.

36. Shh! Be very, very quiet . . . I'm hunting forebears.

37. Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors!

38. That's strange: half my ancestors are WOMEN!

39. I'm not sick, I've just got fading genes.

40. Genealogists live in the past lane.

41. Cousins marrying cousins: Very tangled roots!

42. Cousins marrying cousins: A non-branching family tree.

43. All right! Everybody out of the gene pool!

44. Always willing to share my ignorance...

45. Documentation . . . The hardest part of genealogy.

46. Genealogy: Chasing your own tale!

47. Genealogy . . . will I ever find time to mow the lawn again?

48. That's the problem with the gene pool: NO Lifeguards.

49. I researched my family tree . . . and apparently I don't exist!

50. SO MANY ANCESTORS...........................SO LITTLE TIME


 According to the dictionary genealogy is:

1.     A record or account of the descent of a family, group or person from an ancestor or ancestors; a family tree.

 2.  Direct descent from a progenitor; lineage or pedigree.

 3.  The study or investigation of ancestry and family histories.

      To me, however, genealogy is a whole lot more than those three dry sentences. It is finding my roots, my family, and my home.

      It is seeing my grandparents as a young couple in a census record  with their two baby girls; children who I know will be dead within the  year. It is seeing my mother as a one-month-old child. It is seeing my  great grandfather's signature on Civil War records and knowing that he and  others like him must have gone through hell.

      It is even finding the skeletons in the closets or the black sheep of  the family.

      It is finding that my family went through some terrible times, but  also knowing that they survived.

      It is seeing in my mind's eye the careworn faces of all of those who  have gone on before me.

      It is listening to old stories told by our elders and passing those  precious stories down. It is writing down those stories and facts for our  children and their children.

      It is finding cousins I had not seen or heard from in fifty years.  It is finding new  cousins and new friends, people who have come to mean so  very much to me.

      It is the realization of how important family is. It is the  realization of how important it is to honor those ancestors who came before  us.

      But most of all, it is the sharing of information with others who  like me love the research. It is not just dusty records or words.  

It is not only sharing the excitement of finding a new ancestor, but  also sharing the frustrations of not be-ing able to find what you are  looking for.

      It is the bouncing of ideas back and forth of theories of what might  be and commiserating with another when that theory falls through, which it  often does. It is being able to say "Look! Look what I have found!" and  knowing that your excitement will be shared and understood.

      It is being able ask a question on a mailing list, knowing that what  you are asking may be dumb but knowing  that you will not be treated with  disrespect.

      It is people who give of their time and their energies to help you.

      It is people who volunteer their time and energies to do lookups on  the various county web pages. It is people who volunteer their time and  energies for the various historical societies.

      It is people who give of their time to transcribe old documents and  microfilm, and who share that knowl-edge, whether it is through books sold  by historical societies or on web pages.

      It is people who go through old cemeteries and take the time to write  down those who are buried there and share that knowledge gladly.

      It is people who share old photographs, old letters and their old  family stories, not expecting anything back other than a thank you and the knowledge that they have helped another in their family quest.

      It is people who go above and beyond what is asked of them because  they love genealogy. They love the fun of it, the frustrations of it and  the excitement of it.

      It is also the knowledge that you are passing down something of  worth; that you are leaving behind a little something of yourself. It is the knowledge that through all of your research you may have made a difference, however small it may be.

 That is a little of what genealogy means to me.

 (author unknown)