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BRANT COUNTY, ONTARIO HUMOUR |
You know you are from Brantford when:
You know Dunsdon Street and Dundas Street are different - not misspellings! |
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You know that Tutela Heights and Tutela Park are not anywhere near each other |
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Someone in your family is addicted to Bingo |
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You attended Grade 13 Day at Pinehurst (especially if you went to Pauline Johnson!) |
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You wouldn't consider ordering pizza from anywhere but Marias |
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You remember Dirty Dan the Discount Man both in Eagle Place and in the last location -- the old Canadian Tire before it moved to the old Gambles. |
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You remember Gambles Department Store before it was the Canadian Tire |
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You know at least 20 real estate agents by their first name |
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You remember Towers Department Store before it was Zellers |
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You know the difference between Park Avenue, North Park Street, Park Road North, Parkside Drive |
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You know Gordon Guscott is not the name of a lawyer or mayor or mortician - it is a grocery store |
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You have a heart condition from eating at Admiral Submarine (Gus's). |
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You remember when the Brantford Red Sox could win. |
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You remember when you could actually shop downtown. |
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You remember when there were only 15 Tim Horton's in town. |
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If you call the New Library - Woolworths. |
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If you call the Eatons Center - Market Square. |
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If you call Walmart - Woolco. |
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If you call the Brantford Mall - Woolco Mall. |
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If you call the Wayne Gretzky Center - North Park Arena |
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If you met your wife at McDonalds on King George Road. |
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If you know the Red Sox are really from Brantford not that place in the states. |
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YOU HAD YOUR WEDDING PICTURES TAKEN AT GLENHYRST GARDENS. |
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YOU HAVE HAD A DRINK AT BOTH POLISH HALLS. |
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YOU REMEMBER WAYNE GRETZKY AS A LACROSSE PLAYER. |
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YOU SURVIVED EAGLE PLACE. |
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YOU SAW WRESTLING AT THE ARMORIES |
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YOU WALKED OVER THE GREY AND BLACK TRAIN BRIDGES |
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IT'S PRONOUNCED DAL-LOO-SEY, NOT DAL-HOUSIE |
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WALTER AND PHYLLIS LIVE ON VARADI DRIVE |
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DOUGHNUTS AREN'T JUST FOR BREAKFAST |
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THE CITY'S POPULATION, ACCORDING TO THE ROAD SIGNS, IS EXACTLY 82,001 |
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FRENCH FRIES FROM A CHIP WAGON AREN'T RIGHT WITHOUT VINEGAR |
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HARDY ROAD,TOLLGATE ROAD, FAIRVIEW DRIVE AND LYNDEN ROAD ARE ALL THE SAME ROAD |
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THERE WON'T BE A LINE UP AT THE MOVIES |
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CANADIAN TIRE MONEY IS AS REAL AS REAL MONEY |
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IT'S PRONOUNCED BRANT-FURD, NOT BRANT-FORD,NO MATTER WHAT THE RADIO STATION SAYS |
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WILFRID LAURIER'S BRANTFORD CAMPUS IS IN "THE OLD LIBRARY" |
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JAMES HILLIER, THOMAS COTAIN, PAULINE JOHNSON ARE THE NAMES OF SCHOOLS THEY ARE ALSO FAMOUS PEOPLE |
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YOU'E GOT TO GET TO THE MARKET SATURDAY BEFORE 9 A.M.TO GET THE GOOD STUFF |
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THE 403 IS A HIGHWAY BUILT TO FACILITATE TRAVEL TO PRINCETON |
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WHICH BEER STORE IS OPEN LATE |
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WHERE YOU CAN PARK FOR 2 FREE HOURS DOWNTOWN AND WHAT TIME THE PARKING ATTENDANTS MAKE THEIR ROUNDS |
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WHAT MAKES YOU A "BRANTFORDITE" |
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MORE THAN ONCE YOU'VE RECEIVED MAIL ADDRESSED TO SOMEONE WITH A SIMILAR NAME IN BRADFORD OR BRAMPTON |
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YOUR GRANDFATHER WORKED AT MASSEY'S OR COCKSHUTT'S |
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WHEN TRAVELING AND MEET SOMEONE FROM BRANTFORD,YOU ASK WHICH HIGH SCHOOL THEY WENT TO |
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YOU DON'T THINK IT'S ODD THAT WEST STREET RUNS EAST AND WEST,NORTH AND SOUTH |
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YOU BELIEVE THE EXPOSITOR'S SPORTS DEPARTMENT FAVOURS A HIGH SCHOOL OTHER THAN THE ONE YOU WENT TO |
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GARDEN CENTRES ARE A NIGHT OUT |
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A TRIP TO THE BIG CITY MEANS HAMILTON |
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SOMEONE YOU KNOW WORKS AT A CALL CENTRE |
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YOU WATCH BRANTFORD CITY COUNCIL ON CABLE JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN |
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YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO WOULD LIKE TO GIVE UP SMOKING |
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YOU CHECK OUT THE JUNK YOUR NEIGHBORS PUT OUT FOR GARBAGE PICKUP |
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EVEN IF YOU DISAGREE WITH THE CASINO,YOU TOOK VISITORS TO SEE IT BECAUSE THEY WERE CURIOUS |
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AS A CHILD, YOU SAT ON THE LIONS ON THE FRONT STEPS OF THE POST OFFICE |
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HALF THE TIME, YOU CALL THE SANDERSON CENTRE THE CAPITOL THEATRE |
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ARNOLD ANDERSON READ YOUR NAME ON THE RADIO |
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AS A TEENAGER YOU KNEW THE PATHS THROUGH THE BUSHES ALONG THE GRAND RIVER |
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YOU GOT THE INTERNET SPECIFICALLY TO VOTE FOR JIMMY"ICEMAN" MACNEIL AS ZAMBONI DRIVER OF THE YEAR |
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YOU HAD YOUR PHOTO TAKEN WHILE SITTING ON THE LIONS IN FRONT OF THE POST OFFICE |
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YOU KNOW THAT THE NUMBER OF TIM HORTONS IS DIRECTLY CORELATED TO THE NUMBER OF BRANTFORD CITIZENS THAT HAVE POSTERS OF BON JOVI OR HARLEYS LAMINATED ON MAPLE IN THEIR LIVING ROOMS. |
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YOU KNOW THAT GOING TO CENTRAL SCHOOL FOR TECH, WHEN YOU DIDNT ATTEND THERE AS A STUDENT, WAS ONE OF THE SEVEN LEVELS OF HELL, AND THAT IT BURNED DOWN BECAUSE OF ITS CLOSE PROXIMITY TO SATANS FIERY DOMAIN. |
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YOU KNOW THAT JUMPING FROM THE OLD LORNE BRIDGE WOULD MAKE YOU FAMOUS. DEAD, BUT FAMOUS. |
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YOU KNOW THAT TOWERS WAS THE PRECURSOR TO DOLLAR STORES. |
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YOU KNOW THAT UNCLE VIC GENERALLY SOLD ONLY GOLDEN WEDDING AND CANADIAN. |
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YOU KNOW CANADAS NATIONAL SPORT ISNT HOCKEY. |
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YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU SAID YOU SAW A FISH IN MOHAWK LAKE THAT YOU SHOULD STOP TAKING HALLUCINOGENS. IF YOU SWAM IN MOHAWK LAKE YOU SHOULD START TAKING CIPRO IMMEDIATELY. |
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YOU KNOW MAIN STREET SHOULD ACTUALLY BE CALLED BREAKNECK HILL. |
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YOU KNOW THAT WHATEVER TUNE YOU WHISTLE IN THE TRAIN STATION ITS GONNA MAKE YOU SOUND LIKE THE BEST DAMN WHISTLER IN THE WORLD. |
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YOU KNOW THAT ONE DAY YOU HOLLERED, SCRAMBLE AND THREW AWAY ENOUGH SPORTS CARDS ON THE PLAYGROUND TO MAKE BILL GATES LOOK LIKE A MIDDLE-INCOME EARNER. |
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YOU KNOW THAT STRATEGICALLY PLACING A HAIR, WITH THE AID OF SOME BATHROOM SOAP, ALONG YOUR PALM BEFORE YOU GOT THE STRAP MEANT THAT YOUR HAND WOULD SPLIT OPEN AND YOU COULD SUE THE SCHOOL AND NEVER HAVE TO WORK ANOTHER DAMN DAY IN YOUR LIFE. HAH! SO THERE. |
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YOU KNOW THAT SOAKING A CHESTNUT IN VINEGAR OVERNIGHT ISNT WHAT HELPED YOU WIN AT CONKERS. IT WAS SOMEBODYS DAD THAT HELPED FILL THE WINNER WITH CEMENT. |
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YOU THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY COOL, THOUGH PUZZLING, THAT BRANTFORD HAD A STATUE OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN ON MARKET STREET. |
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YOU KNOW THAT THE BEST CHIP WAGON WAS THE WOZONEKS, THE ONE BUILT ON THE PALE GREEN PLYMOUTH FURY, AND THAT HAD VINEGAR IN COKE BOTTLE DISPENSERS. |
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YOU KNOW THAT THE GREEN METAL MESH LITTER BASKETS THAT USED TO HANG ON THE POLES DOWNTOWN HAD LITTLE CARTOON LITTERBUGS ON THEM. |
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YOU KNOW THAT OXYGEN IN A BINGO HALL IS MEASURED IN PARTS PER BILLION. |
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YOU SIGNED A PETITION TO GET BINGO ADMITTED AS AN OLYMPIC SPORT, KNOWING THAT IT MIGHT BRING MILLIONS TO THE CITY AS A TRAINING VILLAGE. |
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YOUVE SHOPPED AT HEINBUCKS, BUT FLED FEARING THAT THE MOUNTAINS OF JUNK MIGHT COLLAPSE ON YOU AT ANY TIME. |
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YOU REMEMBER WHEN THERE WAS WATER ALONG WATER STREET. |
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YOU RECOGNIZE SOMEBODYS NAME IN THE EXPOSITORS IN THE COURTS COLUMN REGULARLY. MAYBE EVEN YOURS! |
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YOU KNOW THAT THE GRAND RIVER REALLY WILL KILL YA JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER WARNED. |
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YOUR MOTHER BOUGHT YOU SNEAKERS FROM DIRTY DANS. |
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YOU KNOW THAT SOME OF THE WAITRESSES AT THE COWBOY SHOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN GIVEN THOSE DALLAS CHEERLEADER OUTFITS. YIKES! |
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YOU KNOW THAT THERE ARE STILL EXPOSED RAIL LINES IN EAGLE PLACE FROM BRANTFORDS ELECTRIC STREET RAILWAY, AND THERE ARE IRON RINGS IN SOME SIDEWALKS IN EAST WARD WHERE YOU COULD TETHER YOUR HORSE. |
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YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU DONT QUALIFY BRANTFORD BY REMINDING PEOPLE ITS WHERE THE PHONE WAS INVENTED YOU FEEL INCOMPLETE SOMEHOW. |
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YOU KNOW THAT THE ARAGON RESTAURANTS INTERIOR MUST HAVE BEEN FASHIONED AFTER A ROOM IN GRACELAND. |
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YOU KNOW THAT AN OUTING AT BEN MAR WILL PROBABLY NECESSITATE A TETANUS SHOT DUE TO THAT DAMNED WINDMILL. |
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YOU KNOW THAT THE CHIMNEY COMING OUT OF THE SPCA BUILDING ON LOCK STREET ISNT FOR A WOODBURNING STOVE. |
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YOU KNOW THAT THOSE PINK PILLS WE WERE GIVEN AT SCHOOL, ALONG WITH TOOTHBRUSHES AND TOOTHPASTE, WERENT TO DETECT TARTAR AT ALL. THEY WERE CHROMIUM TO COUNTERACT THE BIG SPILL OF 72. |
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SECRETLY YOU WISH YOU HAD STOLEN THE WEAPONS FROM THE VICTORIA PARK STATUES BEFORE THAT JERK FROM CAMBRIDGE HAD. |
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YOU KNOW THAT LIVING ON ROSE AVE. INCREASED YOUR CHANCES 400% THAT YOUD DIE AT THE HANDS OF YOUR SPOUSE. |
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YOU KNOW THAT FROM THE AIR THE EATONS CENTER IS SHAPED LIKE A LARGE WHITE ELEPHANT. |
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YOU KNOW WHERE THE ORIGINAL CANADIAN TIRE STORE WAS. |
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YOU KNOW WHERE GAMBLES DEPARTMENT STORE WAS. |
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You know you're from Brantford if you've had the pleasure of dining and dashing from the Aragon Restaurant. |
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You remember the year when Birketts Lane was flooded so bad, people evacuated their homes in canoes. |
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You remember the monster fire which burnt up one full block on George Street from Dalhousie to Colborne. |
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You'll also remember when five downtown hotels mysteriously burnt down consecutively one after the other: one being the Belmont! (eeeewwww that smell!) |
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You remember Silverwoods Dairy |
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You know about the curse on the Market Square which dictates nothing built upon that land will ever prosper (has it ever?) |
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You were chased from a bush party by the O.P.P |
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You know you are in Brantford when all you need to be a great window dresser for downtail retail stores is plywood, a couple of nails and a hammer. |
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You know you
are in Brantford when you remember that Gus's Admiral Sub used to be
the Hub and after you took your swimming lesson at the Y you went |
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it rains for a week straight so you know the carnival is in town |
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you remember the Sunset AND the Breezes Drive-in theaters |
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You swam at Earl Haig Pool (both the big and little pool) |
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You dove off the high board at Earl Haig Pool |
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You wanted to win the Shetland Pony at the Brantford Bison game (same one every year!) |
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You played School League Hockey at the two outdoor rinks at Earl Haig |
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You know Our Lady of Fatima School was on the outskirts of town. |
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Mrs. Walker taught your entire family how to write in grade three (and she still can!) |
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Eagle Place fish 'n chips made you glad you were Catholic. |
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You played PAL floor hockey at Princess Elizabeth School |
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You were there when the Civic Center opened |
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The company picnic was always at Mohawk Park |
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You're from Brantford if you ever had Miss Willoughy for math at BCI |
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You bought your plants at Folger's Greenhouse on Birketts Lane. |
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Courtesy of Eric Marsh, Susan Wichrowski, Paul Maloney, Penny Faragher, Sue Snow, Ruth Beisheim Kim Webber and David Edwards currently living in Abu Dahbi and reminiscing about home. |
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GOT ANY MORE? EMAIL THEM TO THE COUNTY COORDINATOR! |
If you have problems, please email the Brant County CoordinatorReturn to Home Page
Graphics and Page Design copyrighted 1999, 2000 by Vikki Gray for the benefit of the Canadian GenWeb Project. All rights reserved.