Article: Southern Funeral Customs

© 1997, Ancestral Trails Historical Society, Inc.

Article contributed by :   Jon Whitfield 


                               Southern Funeral Customs

REPUBLISHED FROM THE MEADE COUNTY MESSENGER, WEDNESDAY JUNE 18, 1997 

      Professor William Lynwood Montell spoke on the Southern Way of Death and Dying when he spoke to the Ancestral
Trails Historical Society at its June 6 meeting in Vine Grove. It was a subject that might have been difficult for members who
have recently lost family members or friends, but Montell has a way of dealing with a difficult subject, telling some of his
personal experiences and also bringing some humor to the talk. 

      He first lamented the fact that so many early kentuckians lie in unmarked graves. Perhaps there were once crude markings
on field stones now lost. He quoted from an old song, "He sleeps there unloved and unclaimed." He mentioned the large body
of songs about dying, such as "Will the circle be unbroken?" and "Where the roses never fade". He played a couple of songs on
cassette to illustrate some examples. 

      He spoke of announcements before newspaper notices, especially the "letter edged in black." It was the title of a song, but
also the announcement sent to kin and friends too far away to attend the funeral. The envelope, was indeed edged in black, so
the recipient knew at once that it contained a sad message. 

      Newspaper notices and telephone calls to those away are largely used now, and he read a poem from one newspaper, but
another that told of "lascivious siblings" who had evidently tried to get belongings of the deceased that were not left to them. 

      In the days before embalming, there were often people in the community who helped prepare bodies for burial. He also
recalled in his native Monroe County, that a dish of water and cloth would be near the coffin and someone would periodically
bathe the face and hands of the corpse. he never heard of a wake when he was growing up, but by another name "sitting up
with the dead" was done with the body kept at home overnight. The family did not sleep, and friends came in to tell the good
things - usually - they remembered about the deceased. Because there was no embalming, the funeral was usually held the next
day. He said he had heard of African-American communities where "sitting up" is still being done. 

      A custom then, still continued in the South, is taking food to the home of the family. "Thank God," Montell said, that good
custom is still being followed. 

      By the turn of the century, embalming was being done in funeral homes, but in the country it was not and viewing was still
done at home even after World War II. He recalled his grandfather's death in 1951. Also, for many years, coffins were
available with a small piece of plate glass mounted in the lid directly over the face. People were so afraid of being buried alive
that they wanted this glass which would steam up if the person began breathing. 

      At the funeral home, he said it is customary to "sign in" the register, greet the family, then walk to the casket and say, "Don't
he (or she) look natural!" 

      The funeral service is religious, in a church or funeral home. It is also a social, with family members usually attending even if
they had not spoken to the deceased for years before. 

      At the graveyard, the family says a final goodbye. Today, the coffin is usually not lowered into the ground until everyone
has gone. Montell said he thought this was bad. In fact, at one time it was a custom in places for a close family member to pout
a scoop of handful of earth on the casket, and that helped a person to say goodbye. 

      He asked to do this when his wife died and the undertaker was shocked, but agreed. He said many people heard he would
do this and stayed until that time and said they appreciated the old custom "one more time." 

      "Write down memories for your children" he said, telling about ancestors you remember. That they may as much to them as
the formal records they can find. Each July 4th, his grandsons spend the night with him and he tells old family stories. The next
day they go wading and caving and visit some of the old cemeteries. Now the boys know some of the stories and can tell them
as well as he can. 

      This program was funded in part by the Kentucky Humanities Council and the National Endowment for the Humanities.