Netticisms and More!!
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Learn Our Tricks for Using the Net!


If you're new to Newsgroups, you may wonder what all those silly sideways symbols mean. We're going to save you some time by listing all the most common symbols (also called 'emoticons') along with their generally accepted meanings.

  :-)     Smiling
  :-D     Laughing
  :-/     Scowling
  :-O     Surprise, Shock
  >:-(     Angry
  :-(     Unhappy
  :-p     Sticking out your tongue
  ;-)     Winking
  <:-o     Eeeks!
  :-I     Indifferent
  :-x     Kiss, kiss
  :-#     My lips are sealed
  :/)     Not funny
  :-*     Oops! Covering mouth with hand
  :-D     Very big smile/ said with a smile
  o :-)     Angel
  &:-\     Elvis
  @@@@@:-)      Marg Simpson

Wonder what all those acronyms in Newsgroups postings mean? So do we sometimes. We don't know what they all mean because new ones seem to appear almost daily. Here is a list of the more common acronyms, the ones that have been around a while.

AFAIK    As far as I know
BTW      By the way
HTH      Hope this helps
IMHO     In my humble opinion
IMNSHO    In my not so humble opinion
IMO      In my opinion
IOW      In other words
LOL      Laughing out loud
ROTFL    Rolling on the floor laughing
YMMV    Your mileage may vary
{g}     Grin
{BG}     Big grin

Sorry I couldn't resist this one either. I think I'm addicted to the

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road??

The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why?  The
ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

The Bible:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,
"Thou shalt cross the road." And the Chicken crossed the road, and
there was much rejoicing.

Fox Mulder:
It was a government conspiracy.

The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals
your underlying sexual insecurity.

Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in
such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Richard M. Nixon:
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not
cross the road.

Oliver Stone:
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is
rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked
in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Jerry Seinfeld:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to
ask, "What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the
place anyway?"

Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads
without having their motives called into question.

In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone
told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.

Bill Gates:
I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads
AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets

That depends on which plane of reality the chicken was on at the time.

George Orwell:
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was
crossing the road of his own free will,when he was really only serving
their interests.

Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?

For the greater good.

To actualize its potential.

Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.

Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also
across you.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken
depends upon your frame of reference.

Pyrrho the Skeptic:
What road?

If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

Emily Dickenson:
Because it could not stop for death.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain.

Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in
dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Saddam Hussein #2:
It is the Mother of all Chickens.

Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes the chicken crossed the road,
but why it crossed, I've not been told!

It didn't.  I was playing golf with it at the time.

BEER TRIVIA or Little known facts on why beer makes the the world go round.

1. It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer, and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the "honey month" or what we know today as the "honeymoon".

2. Before thermometers were invented, brewers would dip a thumb or finger into the mix to find the right temperature for adding yeast. Too cold, and the yeast wouldn't grow. Too hot, and the yeast would die. This thumb in the beer is where we get the phrase "rule of thumb".

3. In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them to mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's".

4. Beer was the reason the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. It's clear from the Mayflower's log that the crew didn't want to waste beer looking for a better site. The log goes on to state that the passengers "were hasted ashore and made to drink water that the seamen might have the more beer".

5. After consuming a bucket or two of vibrant brew they called aul, or ale, the Vikings would head fearlessly into battle often without armor or even shirts. In fact, the term "berserk" means "bare shirt" in Norse, and eventually took on the meaning of their wild battles.

6. In 1740, Admiral Vernon of the British fleet decided to water down the navy's rum. Needless to say, the sailors weren't too pleased and called Admiral Vernon, Old Grog, after the stiff wool grogram coats he wore. The term "grog" soon began to mean the watered down drink itself. When you were drunk on this grog, you were "groggy", a word still in use today.

7. In the middle ages, "nunchion" was the word for liquid lunches. It was a combination of the words "noon scheken", or noon drinking. In those days, a large chunk of bread was called lunch. So if you ate bread with your nunchion, you had what we still today call a luncheon.

8. Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. when they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle", is the phrase inspired by this practice.

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